Right. It’s ‘end of term report time’. Come on you lot, look sharp. Step this way into the headmaster’s office. No Johnson! That’s a fridge, this way please. May, stop saying ‘Brexit means Brexit Means Brexit’, Truss, that’s the wall you’ve just walked into,stop walking now you’re leaving an imprint. Sunak get your hands out of your pockets boy! What’s this, the lower sixth’s dinner money! You want to what? Redistribute it to the stockbrokers in Tunbridge Wells? I’m not sure they need it… and Cameron, why on Earth are you even still here! Right, you Tories. You’ve been here 14 years and it’s time for your passing out results. And, I have to say, not before time. God what a shower! Move over and make way for this new intake. Starmer, you have top marks here, what did you say your father was? A Toolmaker? Oh, you should have said. Davey, for God sake boy get down from that chandelier and..oh dear, too late. I’ll just check the cupboard to see if…..no Galloway is still in there talking to himself. Good job there’s a mirror. Ah and you 2 seem to both be, er..’ Greens’, clearly a mistake as we only have room for one. Oh, now you’ve both gone. And you, boy in the different school uniform, can you please put Sunak down and stop trying to carry him out of the room, he has every right to be here. No, you can’t ‘shoot him’ Farage, and don’t look right past me with that glazed look in your eye! What’s that you say? ‘Tomorrow belongs to you?’ Well I think we’ve heard all THAT before and people won’t be fooled twice. The British people are not stupid! Truss, put down that bottle of bleach it’s not drinkable..oh…Now then let’s have a look at this report….
END OF TERM REPORT 2010-2024Name : THE CONSERVATIVES |
| Subject | Comment | Result |
| HOUSING | The UK is now the most difficult place in Europe to find a home. And the most expensive. In 2000, the average home used to cost 4 times the average salary. It’s now 8 times.
No surprise that you’ve had 18 Housing Ministers in 14 years…. |
FAIL |
| COST OF LIVING | Workers are today £11,000 worse off a year after 15 years of wage stagnation. There were 29 billionaires in 2010 and there are now 177 billionaires. But of course, Tories think people ‘choose to be poor’. | FAIL |
| TAXES | We have the highest taxes in 70 years yet the lowest corporate taxes in 50 years.
The Rich really are richer and the poor a lot poorer. |
FAIL |
| BREXIT | £100Billion in lost trade due to Brexit and £40Billion lost tax revenues due to Brexit. Not working out well is it…. | FAIL |
| FINANCES | £30 Billion thrown away by Liz Truss trying to give handouts to the already rich, The worse trade deficit since records began and National debt now at 3 trillion. | FAIL |
| SOCIAL COHESION | The average student debt has gone from 5k to 50k,
Homelessness has doubled and Child poverty tripled |
FAIL |
| ENERGY | Britain has the highest energy bills in Europe. And they’ve allowed BP and Shell to steal our oil and gas reserves without paying any taxes. | FAIL |
| LAW AND ORDER | From the ‘party of law and order’ we have full prisons, a shortage of judges, delays in cases and ASB rampant in our boarded-up town centres. The Tories sold 600 police stations and cut 21,000 police officers and then restored 20,000. That’s still a cut…. | FAIL |
| TRANSPORT | We have the highest train fares in Europe | FAIL |
| PENSIONS | We have the lowest state pension in Europe and 10s of 1,000s of pensioners died in the Pandemic without being able to see their relatives while the Tories partied…against their own rules. | FAIL |
| HEALTH | We have the longest waiting lists in NHS history. They promised to build 40 new hospitals. But didn’t. Although they could afford billions of taxpayers’ money on PPE for their rich mates… | FAIL |
| DENTISTRY | If I grit my teeth any more on this one, they’ll likely crumble and fall out. The state of NHS dentistry is literally rotten. | FAIL |
| BANKERS | Unlimited bonuses. Don’t mention it. | FAIL |
| PUBLIC SERVICES | Libraries and Fire stations have been closed and sold and Councils have been forced into bankruptcy. | FAIL |
| ENVIRONMENT | Our rivers have literally been turned to shit by our privatised water companies | FAIL |
| HONESTY | Sunak is honest. He told a group of rich people in leafy Kent that his aim was to redistribute wealth away from the poor and needy areas back to them. He has not lied about being ‘richer than the King’ nor making his money through being a ‘hedge fund manager’ (and marrying into the rest of it). He also openly cut taxes on champagne the same day he cut funding for schools. So, he’s pretty open with his intentions. Boris Johnson on the other hand is a total and proven liar. | FAIL |
| RECOMENDATION | Remove from office and throw away the key in case they try running a country ever again |
Congratulations an excellent report – it needs a wider distribution.
Let’s hope it’s over. I’m in West Somerset and I’m voting for a Labour government, and all it entails…….